I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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