He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize