If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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