Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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