Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I smell like Dick and happiness
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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