my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
