I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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