Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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