i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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