Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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