wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
