It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
