we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
