you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize