WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
