How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
