I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
