Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
