Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
