I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize