i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
