I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize