I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
