She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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