Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
