I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
