too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
