Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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