You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you made out with another girl for some wings
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
