thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
