i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
