Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
