Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
