i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
