i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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