So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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