My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just blew my weed a kiss
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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