So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
