when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
