So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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