I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
