why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
