Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
