i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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