I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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