Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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