come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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