I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
