And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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