So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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