So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
