I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
