I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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