My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
