Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Someone signed my nipple.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
