there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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