One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
