I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
