It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
