i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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