you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize