you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
