Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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