she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
