I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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